It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
