"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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