Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
