How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
