Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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