My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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