U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
