Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
