I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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