i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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