living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
