I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
