They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
