I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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