just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
