We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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