my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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