PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
