Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
