Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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