I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
