Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
