you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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