my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
