So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
