I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
