ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
