Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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