If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
