Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
