First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
