The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
