Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
