The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
