He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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