his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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