so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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