Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
