I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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