it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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