so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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