living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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