Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
