i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
