I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So much rum. So many feels.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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