I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
