We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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