uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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