I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
