apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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