oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My breasts were aching with rage.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
