Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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