4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
