Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
