my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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