I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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