am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
