is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
