i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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