I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
