Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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