you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
