I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
