A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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