I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
