Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
