so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
