I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
