How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
