I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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