i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
