She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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