then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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