I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just high enough for therapy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
