Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
