He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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