Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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