he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
