well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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